Annitsa (It's Ukrainian.)

Valley Village, CA 6/04/2019 Dear me, Today is a down day. Clinical depression is like a monster on your back. You never know if it's going to steer or just tag along for the ride. Today it woke up before me and planned the day's events. Be exhausted. Take two three-hour naps because you can't face anything else. Masturbate to feel something. Not speak a word out loud for over 10 hours. Feel nothing and have tears welling up behind your eyes. Fuck, this is shit. I we

Valley Village 6/03/2019 Dear M, On my run today I saw a little girl with wild curly blonde hair. She was wearing a blue and black striped shirt and a blue tutu, running like crazy through the grass. I couldn't help but smile. It's moments like this that make me ache the tiniest bit for kids. It's funny though because I don't want kids just because I want kids. I want a family. I only want children if I have a partner about whom I'm mad. I want kids to be the result of

Valley Village 6/02/2019 Dear Joe, I woke up this morning with the most palpable dread. I'm not sure of the reason. It was the type of worry that lingers along every slow breath. It felt like something seriously terrible was about to happen. You know those moments where you feel the need to check in on every member of your family and each friend just to "make sure"? That's what this morning was. Still, the day crept on. I actually felt better the moment I reached the th